


Andraste's Shits

by frenchfrybird



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:10:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6832765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frenchfrybird/pseuds/frenchfrybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke, Merrill, and Anders decide on some vengeance...bird style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Andraste's Shits

“ANDERS!” Hawke bellowed as she kicked the door to his clinic open. “ANDERS GET THE FUCK UP IT’S 9AM!”  
Anders groaned and turned over, stuffing his pillow onto his head. She was so fucking loud sometimes.  
“AAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDEEEEEEEERRRRRSSSSSSSS!”  
He heard shuffling around the room. The sound of water pouring into a bowl… “HAWKE!”  
Merrill giggled, “Actually that was me. Are you ready to go now? Hawke has been showing me how to shapeshift and I finally got a form down! We’re going to have SO much fun today! Hawke even ate a lot of cheese last night, did you know she’s lactose intolerant?”  
“You’ve got five minutes to get your ass out of bed or Merrill and I are going without you, Anders. It’s the induction of the new statue of Andraste at the Chantry. Everyone important will be there, from the Viscount, to Elthina, to Meredith.” Hawke reminded him, placing a certain emphasis on Meredith’s name.  
Anders shot straight up and tossed his waterlogged sheets to the side. “SHIT! You’re right.” He rushed to get dressed and was nearly out the clinic door when Hawke grabbed him by the collar and pointed at the window.  
“This way, we don’t want to attract attention.”  
Merrill clapped her hands together, “Now I can finally show you my transformation!” She jumped out the open window, falling out of view. A goose slowly rose up and honked at Hawke and Anders.  
Hawke rushed out next, immediately taking her regular red-tailed hawk form. Anders assumed the form of a crow. The trio flew to Hightown, the Chantry coming into view. Hawke perched on the arm of Andraste, Merrill was strolling around the square and honking at passersby, while Anders perched on the Chantry roof, scouring the crowd for Meredith. On Hawke’s signal, they were to strike.  
Hawke opened her beak and let out a loud “KEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!” She swooped down and planted a massive shit on Elthina’s head; it dripped down onto her prayer books. Meredith yelled at her Templars to kill the hawk, but just as she was finishing barking out her orders, Anders dove in and planted a perfectly placed turd directly into her mouth. Meredith heaved onto the Viscount’s lap. Meanwhile, Merrill honked aggressively and smashed her way through the crowd, shitting everywhere and ruining many expensive shoes. It was pure pandemonium.


End file.
